When a death occurs and we want to express our sincere condolences, in Judaism, it is common to hear the expression “May (his or her) memory be for a blessing.” In writing, you may see the letters z”l after the name of the deceased to indicate that phrase.
Following a burial or entombment, non-family members form two lines and as the mourners pass between them, they recite the traditional condolence: Hamakom y’nachem etchem b’toch sh’ar availai tziyon ee yerushalayim – which means: “May God comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.”Zekher tzadik livrakha – “May the memory of the righteous be a blessing.”
Appropriate following the death of a parent who was very passionate about their Jewish faith and whose actions in life embodied their Jewish values.
Shelo ted’u od tza’ar – “That you should know no further sorrow.”
Appropriate following the death of a parent when the individual has had the painful experience of watching them slowly succumb to illness or old age. The mourner may grieve their loss, while also taking comfort in the knowledge that their parent is at peace, and they no longer have to watch them suffer.
Tanchumin –“Condolences.”
One word…short and simple, and like many Hebrew phrases, this one does not necessarily have a direct English translation. It also may equate to the word “comfort.”
Baruch dayan emet— “Blessed is the true judge.” or Min haShamayim Tenuhamu – “May you be consoled (or comforted) from Heaven.”
While no words can fully ease the pain of a grieving parent, this message might remind someone with a strong Jewish faith, that a higher power has a plan, even if they cannot see it now. This phrase is also appropriate and commonly used at any funeral.
Additionally, the following are some common secular expressions.
Many of these expressions are also appropriate to use if you are putting your thoughts in writing as in a sympathy card. Most important….in person, sometimes no words are also fitting. A warm hug, a touch of a hand, a knowing glance….often speaks volumes.
Mike Sirowitz, the Beth El Mausoleum director, as well as the Temple Beth El clergy are always available to help families navigate through the difficult period of making final arrangements and in the days following as a family mourns. Please reach out to us at any time and we will have the right words to help you in your time of need.
